Chapter 40 Results and Heartbreak

It was  past dark when Jin finally came in to the house after waiting on the dock for the delivery to arrive, and moving it up to the house.  I wanted nothing to do with it.  After a quick snack, I gave Jade a bath, tucked her into bed, then crawled into bed myself.  I was fast asleep by the time Jin came into the room to crawl into his sleeping bag.

The next morning, we woke to a nasty lightning storm that turned to a torrential down pour for the rest of the day.  Jin paced around the house, never really settling to any one activity for longer than five mins at a time.  I understood his anxiety, for I was feeling it too, even though I was pretending like I didn’t care.  I did care, more than he would ever know.  But I was fearful too, because the way things had progressed for me since I stepped on this island, nothing was really going my way. I was really scared, scared that I was going to learn Jin truly was my brother.

It rained all night, then early the next morning we woke to bright skies and a little surprise to share with Jade. Well me too, as it was the first time I had ever seen a full rainbow.  It looked so real, it almost made you believe if we hopped on a boat, we really would be able to sail to the end of the rainbow.

Once the sun had warmed the air and the grass had lost more of the dampness, Jin was outside getting the satellite put together and installed on the roof.  I watched from the ground, terrified he was going to fall, but before I knew it, he had it firmly bolted down to the roof.

After a quick shower and change into dry clothes, Jin sat down at the computer eager to get started. Unfortunately, he didn’t get very far.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding!” he yelled, slamming his hand down on the table.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, after witnessing his actions from the garden house.

“He password protected his computer.  Why would he password protect his computer? What possible reason would he have for doing such a thing!  Geez dad!” Then he shoved away from the table and stomped away. Glancing at Jade to see she was still playing with her toys, I went after him.

“Jin, calm down-“

“Calm down!  Calm down?  We’ve been waiting for 16 months for this information and now we aren’t any closer than we were this morning.”

“It’s really not that big a deal.”

Jin laughed then.  “Says the girl who got to stay here.  Do you have any idea what it was like for me?  Being away from you, being away from them?  Was it your father who sent you away then told you to go out, meet new sims and make a new life for yourself?  That you won’t be allowed to come home, possibly ever?”  I just shook my head in disbelief.  I had no idea.

“I need to know.  Are you my sister or are you my fiance because loving you Sun, and not knowing how I am supposed to love you, is tearing me apart!”

We stood there, just staring at one another until Jade broke the moment by crying.  I went to her, feeling unsure of my body every step I took.

I picked her up and headed upstairs, needing to give myself a little space from him.  I fed Jade her bottle, gave her a bath, then rocked her till she was relaxed enough to be placed into her crib.  She fell asleep while I was standing there watching her.

 

 

 

I was too un-settled, too anxious to lie in bed myself, so I ran myself a hot bath to soak away my frustrations.  It was hard, portraying myself like I didn’t care.  I did care, I really did.

Jin spent the next morning struggling to find the answer to the password, and I kept Jade on the beach.  I was concerned that Jade would pick up on Jin’s anxiety, and a fussy toddler was not what either of us needed right now.  I spent the time teaching Jade how to walk, figuring the sand was a much softer surface to fall on while she learned.  She mastered it in no time.

 

Next, I introduced her to the water which was so much fun.  Listening to her giggles and squeals warmed my heart, easing my stress of the moment.  Jade was such a patient, easy-going child who never seemed to cry. Since her transition to toddler, I swear she had only cried perhaps 4 times and I was surprised.  My experience with children was mostly gained by the little bit of babysitting I did for the neighbour-hood children.  But none had been so easy as Jade.

Later that evening, we had a big surprise happen.  Everyone was happily eating their dinner, veggie rolls for us, oatmeal for Jade and Sophie was chowing down on her evening meal. (If there is one thing I can’t stand, it’s the sound of Sophie chewing her food!  Drives me to grit my teeth.) Anyway, Sophie all of a sudden stood up, made this little “yip” sound and before we knew it, she was transitioning to an elder dog.

Our sweet little girl with bounds of energy, all of a sudden became an older dog, and you could see it in her whole demeanor.  She ran a little slower, chewed her food a little slower and climbing the stairs seemed a little harder.  We felt incredibly bad for not celebrating this special day for her, as neither of us knew when Sophie’s actual birthday was.  I couldn’t help the feeling of dread that washed over me as I realized, soon it would be one more loss to us on the island.  Jin and I vowed to spend as much time with her as we could in the time she had left.  While her transitioning was sad in its own way, it was good as well, because things were put into perspective for us.  Life was short and it was a very good reminder.

The next morning, Jin was right back at the computer frustrated as all get out, cursing and speaking to his father.

“C’mon dad, just a little hint.  Anything to help me out here.”

The rest of the morning pretty much went exactly like that for him.  Jade was happily playing toys, so I decided to try out my new canning station that had finally arrived.  

(Gasp)  “I did it!  Jin, I did it!  Strawberry preserves.  Mmmm, I can taste them already!”

I wanted to spend the rest of the day inside canning more fruit, but the day was too lovely and Jade needed some fresh air.  We went back to the beach for a bit, until she needed a bit of a nap.

Jin was still at the table stressing himself out.

“Jin we need to talk,” I started to say.

“What!” he snarled back, but I could tell he immediately regretted it.  “I’m sorry, I’m just so frustrated right now.”

“See that is the problem.  You’re so frustrated that it is clouding up your mind.  Why don’t you spend some time with Jade or Sophie?  Go outside and enjoy the sun for a while, it may help.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“I’m going to wake up Jade and take her outside for a while.  Why don’t you come.”

After a quick bottle, Jade and I spent some time on the sand.  She still didn’t understand the concept of playing in the gritty stuff, but I kept on trying, showing her all the neat things you could do.  I started to build a castle, while she watched, but she thought the block table was much more fun.  Jin played with Sophie on the grass, hopefully clearing the cobwebs from his mind.

Soon after, Jade and I moved to the grass to get out of the hot sun and into the shade for a while.  Jin moved to the beach.  I was starting to feel like he was avoiding us.

While Jade happily played popping all the bubbles she could reach, I was tossing the ball in the hoop to see how many times I could do it without missing.  Jade was a little too close to the pond for my comfort and I made a mental note to ask Jin to move the unit more to the middle of the grass, when I heard screaming.

“Lighthouse!  Lighthouse!”

I turned to see Jin running towards me with a wide eyed expression on his face.

“What?”  I turned to look at the lighthouse, suddenly fearful it was about to topple down on us.  Just as I turned back, Jin scooped me up and spun me around laughing.“Lighthouse! The password was lighthouse!  I got the results!  They were negative-not brother and sister!”  Then he kissed me, much to my surprise.

“Nothing will hold us back now.  We can get married and start a family-“

“Whoa, hold on a minute.  Jin we have a lot to talk about before we can jump to……..that.”

“What do you mean?  This is what we wanted.” Jin replied.

“This is what we wanted, a year or so ago.  But things change, things have happened that have made me question just what I want.”

“What do you mean?  What things?”

“A lot has happened Jin.  Events have opened my eyes and frankly scared me as well. Like being so far away from civilization.  Like watching your mom struggle to give birth and being helpless to do anything for her.  Finding your mother dead on the floor-”  Tears caught in the back of my throat and I turned away while I struggled to hold them back.

“My mom had been sick for a least two years before she became pregnant.  I’m sure that had something to do with it.  Women just don’t die from giving birth without a medical reason behind the problem.  She had no trouble giving birth to me.”

“It doesn’t matter.  I decided then and there that I don’t want to have kids.  I understand if that will be a problem for you and that may mean you want someone else.”

“What the-! You talk about my marrying someone else like it doesn’t even matter to you!  I don’t understand what is happening here.  I spent all that time away thinking of you, wanting to get back to you and now you don’t even care?”

“It does matter and I do care.  But the one thing I am very clear on, is that I don’t ever want to have kids.”

Jin looked like I had just slapped him across the face and I felt so guilty.  However being alone so long, gave one too much time to think and sometimes thinking, leads to fear.  This island, the possibilities, gave way to much of that fear and I have listened, taking most of it to heart.  Like an omen, warning me against the inevitable.

I pointed at Jade, indicating I wanted him to watch her, then turned to walk away.

“Wait, we need to talk!”  Jin called after me, but I just kept walking.  I needed to be alone, to think and decide what I was going to do.  I was so conflicted.

Jin took care of Jade for the rest of the day, while I spent the time alone pacing in the bedroom and around the house while he was outside.  Once she was in bed, he asked if we could sit and talk.

“I think it’s time you hear about my time away.  You need to understand what I went through and why I came back to you.” Jin said.

So we sat and I listened.  He talked and I felt like I went through the same mental and emotional roller coaster as he spoke from the heart.  He told me how he felt when his father sent him away and wouldn’t allow him to come home.  When his father wouldn’t allow him to speak to his mother.  All the times he tried to call or email and received no response.  He took me to the time he found out his mother had died, and how angry he was at all of us; how lost and alone.

He had asked me not to interrupt him and so I didn’t, but I felt a sharp stab to my upper chest when he told me about Ally and then Katie or Lily, whatever her name was.  I heard that other than his first time, he was never unfaithful to me, not in body or heart. How hard it had been loving me in his mind, knowing it was wrong when I may have been his sister.

His face became soft when he spoke about all the people he had come to love.  Like Mrs Monty, his best friend Caerul and his wife Cameron.  I smiled when he spoke of all his adopted nieces and nephews. Seeing how much he obviously loved them and how important they were in his heart,  made me wish I had the chance to meet them myself.  Hearing about them, explained a lot about the new, more mature Jin.

I found my breathing had quickened and I was holding my chest, as he told me about his undercover operation.  He detailed all the times he had been in danger, but safely made it out.  Then, when he discussed how wrong he had been about who the actual criminal culprit was, I heard the disappointment he had for himself in his words.  He told me how he had sent Katie with Romano to the only person he felt he could trust, other than me, he said.  Lady Maria Meirs, which was the family I couldn’t remember the name of after Ian had died.  I was so glad she was there with him during his time away.  It felt like a pre-designed blessing somehow.

Jin reached up to turn my face back to him.  “So you see Sun.  I love you.  I was always coming back to you.”  Then he tentatively leaned in while pulling me gently towards him giving me time to resist if I had wanted.  He kissed me, our first real kiss since the night he left me so long ago.

“Now, you don’t have to make any decisions tonight, but there is one more thing I need to tell you.  I am not spending another night in that sleeping bag on the hard floor.”  I took a sharp breath in before he continued.  “We don’t have to do anything, we can just sleep.”

Most awkward night of my life.

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Special ThanX to RO for coming up with the perfect password for Ian’s computer. Does anyone remember why it’s the perfect password? What made Ian password protect his computer?

CC Used In This Chapter

Poses– Valkyrie007 (Diva) Aeoverse (Mingle v 2) RedVixen (ToddlerTemperTantrum), Fyachii K (KissMePose)

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